Tuesday, October 7, 2014

about my bully... (a poem)

This came to me last night as I was trying to sleep - this and another poem simply would not be kept quiet within me... I was tossing and turning, these thoughts circling in my mind - stanzas forming without effort - I had to give them a voice, a release... 

I began reading Beauty for Ashes by Joyce Meyer three days ago - and Sunday watched a sermon about releasing to God all the toxic and hurtful words that have been spoken to us over the years... words that most of us have unintentionally internalized... that have then gone on to inform our personalities and how we present ourselves to the world... how we see ourselves, our sense of value and self-worth... 

The first sermon in the series on soul detoxification, Lethal Language, started out with focusing on getting the crap we've been fed out of our systems - so that we can then be re-fed, reprogrammed with good, uplifting, spirit-building TRUTH...  I have to tell you when I began watching the service, I wasn't totally engaged, but by the end, I was touched beyond words... moved to a flood of tears... 

The Spirit of God has made it clear to me that I have been living in bondage to toxic words for far too long... And I know from previous Bible studies that my Lord came to set me free from bondage, not just from sin, but in every area of my life... I also know that any aspect of my life where I'm still a captive to my past (or to whatever the subject matter may be) is an area that the devil can create a stronghold in my mind - in a sense, where he can have power over me... and I want none of that!!!!  

I know that this emotional healing that I'm pursuing may be a long, at times painful, process... but I am so grateful to God for bringing this book in combination with this series of sermons to my life at a point when I'm mentally ready for it... Able to devote my time and energies to dealing with issues as the Spirit brings them to the front of my conscioius mind...  And so thankful that the Spirit will deal with me in love and kindness and compassion, as is His nature... So glad that I have the best Counselor I could ever want dwelling within me... 

about my bully... (a poem)

He called me “swamp thing”
All through school
My bully, my tormenter 

It took some time on my part
But now far enough removed
I know him simply as ‘the fool’

An idiot whose name
Is not even worth a mention
I’ve no idea to this day
Why his sole intention

Seemed to be to single me out
Berate me for no reason
What a sad, pitiful existence
It must have been for him

Teasing me just to gain
A sense of self assurance
Those words haunted me as I grew up
Even though they made no sense

Kept wishing he’d just disappear
And leave me the hell alone
His taunts echoed in my head
Over years creating inside
A sense of self doubt and dread

In times past I’ve wanted to look him up
Give him a piece of my mind
But I’ve come to realize as I’ve matured
He’s not even worth the time

All the trauma that he caused
I need to release
Allow my Comforter to heal me
Restore my confidence and peace

Let go of every toxic word
That’s ever been spoken o’er me
Reclaim my truth as God declares

I’m beautiful, loved and worthy.

-K. Michelle Payne 

© K. Michelle Payne 2014

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