© K. Michelle Payne 2015
Friday, January 2, 2015
adjusting to praying on a computer, reliving a most glorious momentwith Jesus, and working through some anxiety with my Lord
Lord, I thank you for a new day, for good rest and restorative sleep & the chance to fellowship with You again here and now. I pray that You would help me to fully submit my life to You in every area so that there would be nothing that could keep me from drawing as close to You as possible.
I pray You would forgive me anything that offends You & search me out – show me any habits or thoughts, patters of speaking or mannerisms, hobbies or lifestyle choices I am currently in that are anything less than pleasing to You. Please use the Spirit within me to show me anything in my life that hinders my walk with You – help me to understand that in order to live my best life in You, I need to let these things go. Give me a heart that longs for the things that delight you & break my heart, Jesus, over what breaks Yours.
Lord, I am noticing that as I transition from writing with pen and paper to ticky ticky on the keyboard with the computer, there is a drag… I don’t feel as instantly connected to You. Perhaps because it is a less familiar format of communicating with You. I know when I began praying to You, Jesus, it also felt strange and unfamiliar… I knew that it would. I had spent my whole life praying just to God – I had a very strong connection with and prayed very easily and openly to my Heavenly Father. And when He spoke with me, it was so comforting and good… I never understood all the Christians around me that went on and on about talking with Jesus and “oh, what a friend I have in Jesus” – I just never had that relationship with You… and I was so confused when folks would say that they had no inkling how to approach God Himself… That they were in any way intimidated or daunted by the mere thought of praying to our Great Father in Heaven…
But I do recall vividly when God spoke to me… around 5 months ago and said very clearly how much He loved that I could talk so openly with Him “but” – there was a great big “BUT” there… But that He wanted me to get to know His Son… You… I gritted my teeth a little, and kinda murmured “mmmm, OK, God” – not really comfortable with the idea… not sure how that was really going to work since I’d never had a relationship with You. But He assured me, He knew my fears very well… He told me that yes, at first it would feel strange and foreign… just as it did when I first started practicing my pauses to listen for God to speak to me… oh, that’s a whole other conversation – developing the spiritual discipline of being silent and listening for the voice of Almighty God… oh, yes, that did indeed feel strange at first… until He spoke…
And I remember God telling me “tomorrow, I want you to pray to my Son.” I remember our first conversation, Lord. I kinda spoke up to the ceiling – something along the lines of, “Ok, Jesus, here I am – I’m gonna talk to You today… and it would be great if You would let me know You’re here…” And I proceeded to pray… And oh, my… when I closed out my prayer to sit and wait to hear from You (because I hadn’t yet learned how prayer could be a back and forth conversation between us… I’m still learning that concept… and it’s an exciting adventure in itself…), and I said “Ok, so I’m gonna be quiet now, so if You want to talk to me, that would be wonderful…” – and I think maybe a moment or two passed… and then You spoke to me…
Oh, my – I don’t think my words can possibly convey the beautiful, most glorious Peace that took over in my room in that hour… The first time I heard from You, Lord Jesus… It was the first time I’d ever experienced that “peace that passes all understanding” – it was the first time I experienced You for real – and understood instantaneously why You are called the Prince of Peace… I still have what I wrote after that encounter:
I prayed to my Lord Jesus today & experienced a beautiful & all encompassing peace. I am excited to get to know Him and to experience Him as I never have before – I am enthralled at the chance to have true fellowship with my savior and at the promise of gaining a greater understanding of the Trinity while experiencing each, the Father, the Son & the Holy Spirit within me (although I did not know at the time I had not yet truly gotten to know the Spirit… that would come… and is still in the process of being brought to full fruition), individually and as a whole.
Jesus spoke to me – “I am glad you are seeking me & I will reveal myself to you just as our Father has. I will help you to understand what it means to be the “bride of Christ.” I know it seems unfamiliar to you now, but persist, be diligent in coming to me – talk to me as your friend, your brother, your Savior. Call on me, not in vain, but in any moment you need strength or grace or support or a lifting of your spirit and know I will answer. Use my name and all its power to walk in victory over the devil and all his spirits and demons. Call on me for peace & I will surely flood you and envelop you with my Presence.
As Stacey sang, I am, indeed, in this very room – and I am always, at every moment, with you and available to you. Just call me – shout to me or whisper, breathe my name – know me.
OMgoodness!!! CAN I GET AN AMEN?!?!?!?!?
Wowzers… I’m so glad I wrote that down… I’m so glad God told me to start writing down what y’all (the Trinity) were saying to me so that I could come back and relive such soul exulting moments!! And it is so very exciting to read a promise You gave me about five months ago & realize I’ve just begun to understand one of the things You promised to show me – “what it means to be the bride of Christ”
From beginning rather hesitant in coming to You – very unsure of how things would go, or if I would even hear from You – stepping completely out of my comfort zone of 34 years of praying to our Father God, and You answered me with THIS!!!!! Oh, Lord Jesus… and You have spoken such beautiful words to me since… Bless You that You have led me now to begin sharing some of this with a wider audience that hopefully, by Your grace… others may have the hope of experiencing You personally… and come to know You as I am still beginning to myself… Oh, how I have fallen in love with You in the past five months… You truly are the Lover of My Soul!!!! I am so blessed that You pursue my heart relentlessly… I adore You, my sweet Jesus… I would trade You for none other… I am so thankful that my heart is completely spoken for.
Please bless this conversation that it would reach who You need it to in order to spread Your light and love to someone in need of encouragement… I love You, Lord Jesus… You have my heart and soul… my mind, my being… You are truly my Everything <3
In Your Precious Name I pray,
I had typed all this out in Word, and gotten it up on the screen to publish & the Spirit stopped me dead in my tracks. I minimized my screens & went back to my notebook, pen in hand...
Thank You so much, Jesus, for showing to me that I need to separate my "God time" from my publishing/ministry/working time - because I was distracted - I was missing out on the *best* part of coming to You, of being in Your Presence - hearing from You.
I pray You would help me to still myself now before You - quiet my mind and my heart - let my soul be at ease before You. I long to hear Your voice - Your words are more precious to me than anything in this world. Forgive me for being so split focused & praise You for using the Spirit within me to draw me back to You - to Your heart. I love You, Lord & I pray earnestly You would heal me of this illness (I've been sick with a virus since Christmas day) so I can sing to you again. How I miss singing Your praises and connecting with You in worship through song and music.
Lord, I know, I know I need to be still, be quiet, but there is so much in my heart and mind keeping me restless. Mostly this situation with (a friend who wants to be more than a friend). Help me please to surrender this entire scenario to You - it is indeed a care to great to bear & it is weighing on me more heavily than I can handle. I'm stuck in the mode of trying to figure out how to deal with it myself & I know that is not at all how You want me to go about anything in my life.
Cast all your cares on Him... (and then Jesus took over... yes, Lord - Jesus, take the wheel, indeed!!)
...on Me, Michelle, constantly, continuously, because I care for You.
You are right - you are not meant to figure this (or anything else) out on your own. I told you & I will remind you - do not be anxious or discouraged - do not let your heart be troubled or unsettled within you - I am God Almighty & I will be with you wherever you go - that means whatever circumstance, whatever relationship, whatever scenario - I am with you always - in every moment - just as I promised you the first time you heard Me speak to you. It was not the first time I'd spoken to you, but it was the first time you were tuned in and connected to Me to hear what I was saying. I led you in prayer today to share that moment because you needed to be reminded that I am still your Prince of Peace - I Am the same yesterday, today & tomorrow - I will never leave you or forsake you. You have all My Grace and Power in every situation at your disposal if you but breathe My Name. Meditate on Me - not on what concerns you. Go beyond what you "feel" - choose your thoughts - redirect your mind to Me. In the midst of anxiety, just Me, Michelle.
You do not have to go 'round and 'round in your brain - that's what the devil wants you to do - to get all tied up in a knot, to steal your joy, take your peace & distract you from Me. But you have the Power of Almighty God living inside you in the Holy Spirit! By Him and My Strength you are well able to do all things - and that includes taking every thought captive - don't let your thoughts lead you - you lead them! And when they are not what is good and lovely and peaceable, cast them aside - turn to Me - Breathe My Name - draw Me into your moment, Michelle. I'm already there, but make yourself intentionally, consciously aware of My Presence and rest in My Safe Haven.
I Am Peace for your mind.
Know me, Michelle.
Yes, yes, Lord - You are so good to me!! "What a friend I have in Jesus..." :)
If you are wrestling with an anxious heart today,
I encourage you to listen to Unspoken's
and pray earnestly that Jesus would help you to learn to
"cast your cares upon Him, because He cares for you."
Be blessed! <3
© K. Michelle Payne 2015